The Diary

Cod Almighty | Diary

Guardiola was on the phone night and day, but when I heard Grimsby were interested it was a no brainer

23 June 2021

Town's 'Transfer Tuesday' announcement of three new signings did two things. Objectively, Ryan Taylor, Michee Efete and Erico Sousa brought the number of summer newcomers in Paul Hurst's squad to seven. However, their arrival did something else. It triggered New Signing Fatigue.

A relatively recent syndrome with its origins in the early 21st century, Daubney Diary started to be aware of his own symptoms yesterday during one of several interviews. Or maybe it was the same interview several times; as you can tell, the syndrome seriously effects your football faculties. I should really be at home tucked up in bed with a Bovril and a copy of the Alan Buckley book instead of being out diarying.   

It came on quite suddenly:

"The goal is promotion, that's why I'm here". That settles it, I'm getting a season ticket.

"Podge said the fish and chips were ace". Good old Podger, love him.

"Rhys Browne said the fans are amazing". Wait, Rhys Browne?

"When I heard Grimsby were interested, it was no-brainer". Right, stop everything. What did he just say?

No one has ever said that without immediately adding "I told my agent that the football wasn't working out and it might be time to give the carpentry apprenticeship another go". The no-brainer line has been used by a few new players (or maybe it hasn't, see previously mentioned symptoms), is there a chance the players have the variant, New Club Fatigue? Or perhaps they are coded messages and Dale Ladson is actually a kidnapper. "The club is aiming for promotion" is a phrase the player worked out with his agent beforehand. It means 'I am being held in the boiler room and there are three armed guards. Call the police.' A simpler explanation might be they are just bored and messing with the media, like the England team memorably did in 1998.   

According to Middle-Aged Diary, 'The more space clubs devote to PR, the less there is to say.' More fame awaits if he can give that theory a name or a mathematical equation. The solution is obvious to Daubney's cliché-addled brain: a massive and counter-productive over-correction (a brexit is the technical term) is required. No more new signing announcements, no squad numbers or names on shirts and a preseason behind closed doors. With a media embargo in place until one hour before the first game on 21 August. Seeing the teamsheet will be like opening your presents on Christmas morning, and years of getting chunky knit socks from your aunt will mean you are well prepared when Amond, Bogle or Vernam aren't on it.

We find out on 7 July where we'll be spending this Christmas. Or Fixture Release Wednesday to give it its proper title. That's just ten more sleeps and two more Transfer Tuesdays in today's money.

Elsewhere, you need to see this tweet from Jos Jensen:

Some ace kits on show there and we've another one to look forward to according to Lloyd Griffith who saw the new GTFC Macron kit at a photo shoot yesterday for what we guess will be Kit Reveal Monday. Slide into our DMs Lloyd with any further info so we can determine if buying it will be a no-brainer.

Finally a plug for Baz Whittleton's latest column. Should season tickets be cheaper? Should Paul Hurst have shouldered more blame? And should footballers take the knee? Baz isn't afraid to ask good questions that might not flow with the current tide of positivity and we'd be delighted to hear your feedback.