Cod Almighty | Diary

Episode VI: Return of the Target Demogrpahic

29 December 2022

Mr Target Demographic writes: First of all, hello again everybody! Hope everyone had a good time over the festive period despite Town's best efforts to ruin our moods. It was a double whammy for me on Boxing Day as not only did I watch Town beat themselves I cashed out on a bet at £26 and if I had stuck it out, I would have won £92 off a £2 stake. No turkey sandwich can brighten your day after that one, I found.

However, I've regrouped my spirts and go again as today is a special day for me, marking my first home game since I went away to university at the start of September. Since then I've learnt a lot: a floor of 12 boys is never a good idea and will always result in carnage; a full bottle of wine will get you drunk quicker than any triple vodka mixer; and that Newcastle annoyingly have a very good football team. I still remind all the Geordies they lost to Cambridge and we beat them, making us the best team to play in black and white. Using this logic, however, would see Town be ranked higher than both the German national team and the Spanish due to the friendly we played against Japan in 1971. Grimsby in Euro 2024?

Since being at university I believe I have picked up a curse. The only two Town games I've watched since going away have been Hartlepool (closest away game to me) and now Harrogate. This leads me to wonder how Town have even won a game this year with the only two performances to base my judgment on being those two horrible games of football. I do believe the negligence of Paul Hurst in not changing things around cost us six points.

Moving away from Town, the fact I'm 19 now saw a change I always knew was coming but just didn't know quite when it would happen. Christmas presents. They were few and far between this year in comparison to other years. As I write this, I realise what a spoilt brat I sound, but it's true! Especially combined with a cost-of-living crisis which I'm sure has affected everybody at this time of year, which saw our tree look a little bare. For me it's no longer about the presents but for my 10-year-old brother Santa wasn't his best mate this year when he didn't get everything he wanted.

I do tell a lie though, I did receive a quality pair of modern DJ decks which I have wanted since going up to university. I don't want to sound pretentious but I've become quite good in the past couple of days – I think my first gig should be a Town match. I'll do it unpaid, of course, as I just want some experience under my belt. Jason, if you're reading this, you know how to contact me. 

Now let's go and win and break this stupid curse I seem to have picked up.

UTM!