Cod Almighty | Diary

Loss Aversion Therapy

12 June 2023

Ladies and gentleman I bring sad, sad news. A cherished icon of our times is no more. It has ceased to be.

On Thursday 8 June 2023, buried in the middle of a Guardian essay on the psychology of success, Chairman Wow announced the death of the Parslow Point. The funeral will be held at Cheapside whilst stocks last and the carcass will, naturally, be cremated using green energy: the power generated by Danilo Orsi's smile. Dani-boy's gnashers are very much the Archimedes Mirror of the modern milieu.

Yes, your Deviant Diary is weeping at this loss of a legend, but at least old Retro Diary will be leaping around his Humberston home, celebrating the appliance of data science. Number crunching has crushed the myth of meritocratic mediocrity. Keep it tight, keep us shape, lose the plot and the points. The computer says no! It's official, it says so here:

"One of the most provocative biases in relation to football is loss aversion…this bias often shows up when a team have taken a lead. There is a natural inclination for some coaches and players to become more cautious, focusing on maintaining their lead rather than actively seeking to extend it.

This defensive mindset can intuitively feel right but data suggests that often maintaining possession, building attacks and creating scoring opportunities can help not only in increasing the goal margin but also in controlling the game and reducing the chances of the opposition mounting a comeback."

We therefore commit this tactic to the ground. Earth to earth; ashes to ashes; dust to dust. Does this mean it's win or bust?

A new dawn, a new era, a new set of players. Town are young guns and they are gonna go for it! Men with muscles, boys with biceps, lads with long legs! Hot on the heels of Broadway Danny Rose and all that Toby Mullarkey malarkey, the picture just got bigger as Donovan Wilson moved between the spreadsheets on Joe Hutchinson's supercomputer housed in the Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue deep down inside Cheapside's west wing.

I like the name pool into which Town are dipping. Such poetry, so many possibilities for your average CA writer to fill out copy with puny puns and distressing digressions. Let the record show that your Deviant Diarist is the first to claim Donovan Wilson as a minor 60s soul singer, revived in the 1970s and big on the Northern Soul scene.

And finally, Cyril, actual, factual new news of world shaking events. Otis Khan, international bright young thing! Alas the Green Falcons spiralled to the ground and late-blooming Otis failed to blossom this close season as the Dodos of Mauritius defeated Pakistan 3-0.

Max Crocombe, the Kiwi that flies! The Crampmeister is back in the New Zealand squad, but still hasn't signed up again for Town. What's the problem Maxie? This mission is too important to allow you to jeopardise it. If he wants to come back he may have to come in through the air lock. He may, he may not. Hey Joe, just fire up HAL9000 if Max makes some mad, some sad by sailing away to Scotland.

What's going to happen? Something wonderful. Don't be afraid. We've got a database and we're gonna use it.