Cod Almighty | Diary
Come play my game
8 November 2023
With football suffering from an epidemic of boring tactics and playing styles, it's no surprise to Daubney Diary that an exercise regarded as mundane in almost any other field can capture the imagination of a fanbase. But that's where we're at, with Town fans eagerly scratching around the internet for news of the next manager/head coach of GTFC.
The Gibraltar geezer has been replaced by the Belfast bloke as the fans' latest focus with the Port Stanley Gotchas FC and AFC Rockall Limpets bosses due to come under the spotlight by the end of the week, as acne-ridden rumour-mongers and fans alike scramble around the Empire's remaining few dangleberries in their quest.
Made up managerial news cycles might be a newish thing but we at Cod Almighty like to think we are hip to the trends, good or bad. So this morning we put away our rattle, untied the silk Town scarf from our wrist, and reluctantly removed the needle from the latest Bay City Rollers 45 to bring you our analysis of the field in the Next Permanent Grimsby Town Manager - Outright market.
Venturing onto our turf accountant of choice's website, it's quite clear by the opening paragraph the type of mushhead the bookie expects to welcome to a manager betting market:
With Leam Richardson and David Artell both at 8/1, meaning a £10 bet would secure a £90 return, the bookies are looking more to the other two names on the shortlist.
Err, ignoring the simple maths bit, you are the bookies. Moving on, let's take a look at some of the names listed and what makes them suitable for a role which will likely bring much more abuse and frothing rage than glory.
David Healy Like that Yorkie Twat Paul Hurst, Healy comes from a geographical region that Town fans are comfortable with using as a term of abuse. Could easily be called a Stupid Irish Wanker after a scoreless draw at Mansfield. This applies to anyone on the list from Scotland. Since I haven't heard of half them, some could be a potential Clueless Scotch Git for playing 4-5-1 at home to Sutton.
Danny Cowley Town fans who spent years reconciling Lincoln's success with the fact that their frequent 5-0 wins and league titles came via Cowley's dated tactics will be booing him from day two at the very latest.
Shaun Pearson The Cheap Option. A defender, so like Paul Hurst he won't have any idea how to set up a team to attack. Using the Graham Rodger Club Legend to Malfeasant guidebook we could have him out of the hotseat and safely into a GTFC in the Community role by Easter.
David Artell Wears glasses. Name one player or manager that has won anything in glasses. Likely to be bullied around back of the Cheapside bike sheds by the academy kids.
Leam Richardson Leam? Leam? Not happening pal. I had to look at your name three times to be sure it wasn't Learn. Footballers are simple types, we can't have that level of confusion in the building.
Phil Parkinson With the same name as the Wrexham manager, we can label him The Cheap Phill Parkinson Option when they get promoted and we finish 17th.
Nathan Rooney Having heard rumours about him all last week I still know nothing sure about him other than if my Dad was still with us he would call him Wayne half the time, and the other half tell everyone that Wayne's brother was managing Town.
Sol Campbell How did Sol get on this list, is John Fenty working at Betfair? Is this 2019?
Andy Woodman The Manchurian Candidate. We'd be in the Beezer Homes Evostik Premier within two years of his appointment
Ben Davies The Even Cheaper Cheapside Option
Tommy Widdrington On a loser from day one. Could bring us to the Champions League but auntie Elsie will never forgive him for Brian Cloughing her Darren and other pitch invaders in 1997 unhappy we were only beating Southend 4-0. Also had a goatee years after they'd gone out of fashion
Gary Bowyers, Craig Hignetts, Paul Tisdales, Paul Hartleys, Lee Bowyers The Grimsby Plural Options
Mark Kennedy, Mark Jackson, Mark Hughes, Mark Cooper Random out of work Marks with no chance of ever managing or coaching Town
Ben Garner, Ian Dawes The Beaches are Open Options, one because he rhymes with Jaws and the other because he nearly has the same name as the gnarly old fisherman who gets eaten by Jaws mid-film but everyone forgets about
Keith Curle Potential here, bound to fail and we can gang up on him to give him a wedgie for his part in our 1989 cup defeat to Wimbledon
As you can tell, if I had ideas at the start, I'm out of them now. For some proper writing while we wait for Blundell Park white smoke, Jase Ives has written a lovely piece on Paul Hurst. Check it out here.