Cod Almighty | Diary

What's that, Sutton?

8 March 2024

BOTB Friday diary often tries to be light-hearted, which is a polite way of saying 'not too serious but not funny either' but these days it's becoming difficult to maintain the requisite froth level. This is because our beloved GTFC insist on having really, like, big serious games and shit, and yammering on about nonsense doesn't capture the prevalent mood among the stripey hordes.

Tomorrow, for example, we are away at bottom club Sutton, or the 'Isy Sutties' as they like to be known. Incidentally, it has taken me until today years old to realise that Sooty (the puppet) is supposed to be a yellow bear. I thought he was just a kind of blobby shape with a face. He is, entirely logically, a yellow bear that hangs out with a dog and a killjoy panda. Nothing to see here.

In last Friday’s diary I was decidedly downbeat, having allowed my natural dour Grimbarian pessimism to gain the upper hand. Four points later and I've cheered up a bit, but now I'm in the footy fans familiar fix of being flicked irritatingly on the ear by my own hopefulness. If we beat the Isy Sutties tomorrow and the Forest Greenies lose, we can actually relax and maybe have a jam sandwich. I can start to go to the BP and enjoy games rather than sitting there watching with my heart in my mouth, which, as any cardiologist worth his salt could tell you, isn't where it’s supposed to be. Ah. But if we lose, and the Greenies win, we’re going to be back in the relegation soup. Oh dear. This is another six-pointer, isn’t it? The answer to that question is 'yes' by the way, in case you hadn’t figured it out.

The good news is that after two clean sheets on the trot there is a chance that our defensive frailties may have been dealt with. Cheery. The other good news is that perpetual drain circlers Colchester have been dragged back into the fray, and have a tough looking away game at Barrow. Double cheery.

The bad news, or maybe it’s more good news, I’ve confused myself, is that in this division anything can happen. Look at Tranmere, for example. Yes, I know nobody wants to look at Tranmere, but force yourself. A few games ago they beat then-leaders Stockport by four goals to nil. The next game they lost to then-bottomers Forest Green by one goal to nil. Harrogate went on what looked like an unstoppable run of victories then lost 9-2 to Mansfield.

This is a crazy division of rebounds, deflections, shit refs and inconsistent players. The Greenies upcoming game against in-form Walsall looks a toughie but who knows? After all, last week the Greenies outclassed us, outflanked us, beat us to the floor and pummelled us into dust. According to their manager that is, yet another who seems to have failed to grasp that football matches aren't decided on points by a team of judges.

This season it's been noticeable how a team's performance at BP seems to bear little relation to their league position. Crewe were pants. Gillingham were dog’s pants. Doncaster looked pretty good. Anything could happen anywhere. So what I'm saying here is that it's not over yet. The only thing we have control over is defeating the Isy Sutties. If we do that, we’ve done our job.

Good luck to Donovan Wilson if he plays against his old club tomorrow, and let's hope he has a point to prove. Good luck of course to the travelling Town faithful, who, if interplanetary travel is ever invented, would doubtless still travel in their thousands to watch the Stripeys play Uranus Athletic.

I bloody love this club. If we could, like, you know, stay in this division that would be great. Cheers.

PS: shocking news; football scientists have confirmed, with evidence, that Harry Pell is a tosser. On the BBC now (two wrong 'uns making a right? Or just making a bigger wrong 'un? - Ed)