Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 22 May 2003

22 May 2003

"Failed to connect to ServletExec instance nep-http1 at 172.30.2.124:8888". That's the Grimsby Telegraph's way of admitting it was wrong about John McDermott signing for Hull, and isn't it convenient how their server is always playing up whenever they have to eat humble pie? What was as good as a done deal two days ago now looks more like a dead loss, as Macca's talks with the new force in third division football appear to have broken down like a superannuated Ford Fiesta on the fast lane of the M6. The bad news is that BBC Humber Sport reckons Burnley and Walsall are sniffing around now, but the tone is lightened by an extraordinarily rendered quote from Paul Groves - to wit: "I think all along we've been speaking to 'Macca' and we shall continue to speak to 'Macca' and obviously try and strike a deal with 'Macca'." The Town gaffer's titanic battle with personal pronouns has been previously noted in these pages, and for the Beeb to compound the problem with hilarious but misplaced inverted commas simply smacks of insensitivity.

And that's about it for the news today - so what a good job your fellow Diary readers are around to keep you entertained. An email just received here reads: "I came across a section of the www.footballtransfers.co.uk website yesterday that supposedly lists all players available on Bosman-type transfers this summer. Although it's not quite in keeping with Lee Cobby's efforts I thought I'd contribute an 11 Groves could sign for nowt, all with highly amusing names." It's a good job for you that it is a quiet day, sunshine. Here goes then...

"Although," adds our friend, "that being said, this bunch of Johnny Foreigners may all think that my name is particularly amusing too. Depends where you're from I guess. Regards, Bobby Fish".

So, I thought, let's carry on through the email and see if anything less silly turns up. "Lee Cobby has got me in the mood," writes Marnix Kolder. "Here's a team made up of 11 players with church references." Oh dear God. Happily, though, Marnix couldn't be arsed to find the players to make up a 4-4-2 formation, so I don't have to prat about with that small font again. Here you go then: "Adrian Moses (Huddersfield), Juan Jesus (Tenerife), Micky Cross (Bedlington Terriers), Donald McVicar (once of Arbroath), Christ Priest (Macclesfield), Simon Bishop (Barrow), Brian Deane (Leicester), Jamie Cureton (Reading), Alex Baptiste (Mansfield), Matt Joseph (Leyton Orient), Alberto Fontana (Inter)." Pah. Christ Priest? I don't believe it. "Once of Arbroath"? If the terms of engagement are to extend so far down the pyramid as to incorporate Bedlington Terriers then we ought at least to restrict ourselves to current players. The Diary was hard pressed, furthermore, to see the relevance of Cureton, but then one of the apostles was called Jamie, wasn't he?

Thank heavens for the divine wit of Miles Moss, is all I can say. "Zdrilic has left Walsall," he announces. "Groves might want to sign this player, as he will definitely score 19. In Scrabble, anyway."