Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 26 November 2004

26 November 2004

No sooner I had uploaded yesterday's Diary and headed for the kitchen to congratulate myself with a minestrone Cup-a-Soup than the muffled AM tones of Radio Five Live were informing the world that former Mariners trialist Kevin George was not the only relieved man emerging from Kingston Crown Court. No indeed, for all five of George's co-accused were soon likewise cleared of all charges of rape, including GTFC's very own (though for how much longer is anyone's guess) Terrell Forbes. Speculation is running high that the players will now call for the sacking of web administrators who drag the name of Grimsby through the mud.

After concluding that evidence given by the alleged victim in the case was "seriously inconsistent", the judge, Michael Hucker, directed the jury to return not guilty verdicts, reports the BBC, among others, and Mr Russell Slade is now bidding to secure the player's services on a longer-term basis. "We stuck by him - hopefully he will stick by us now," the Town boss told the club's official website, shortly before being taken to Grimsby magistrates' court to answer charges of emotional blackmail.

The intricately constructed second paragraph of yesterday's Diary proved similarly to be all in vain, after it emerged yesterday afternoon that Noddy's top transfer target Richie Barker resisted the lure of the best fish and chips in the world but couldn't resist the lure of Carlton Palmer. But while Mansfield's coaching staff are already sharpening up Barker's skills at smashing his arms into defenders' necks, Mr Russ is chasing three more frontmen, one of whom may turn up next week within four minutes of Darren Mansaram recovering match fitness.

But nobody goes away empty-handed, except Anthony Williams after a Shrewsbury free kick, and Slado is able to add two names to his squad for tonight's spine-chilling trip darner fackin Sarfend: Michael Reddyo and Terry Flemingo, who were both suspended for last Saturday's win over Kidderminster. Should you wish for a perspective from Essex, and it's no business of mine what you get up to in the privacy of your own home, the Diary is happy to direct you to an unusually decent preview on a Shrimpers' fan network site. I had no idea Town were anyone's bogey team, and it's a bloody nice feeling, actually.

It's Friday, and that means it's not only time for the population of England to alleviate its frustration at another five days of wage slavery by pouring millions of gallons of lager down its throats; it's also the time of week when a randomly chosen member of the GTFC squad tells a Grimsby Telegraph reporter how the team needs to start getting its act together, living up to its potential, and just generally stop being so rubbish. This week the Telegraph's big computer has come up with the name of Thomas Pinault, who reckons: "Last week we proved to the fans, ourselves and the boss that we can do it - now we need to keep it going." Never has the phrase 'deja-vu' seemed so apposite.

"Hi Diary," writes Sibbo, in an email to the Diary, which is a good start. Hi, Sibbo! "Pleased someone's found the whereabouts of good old Simon Ramsden," continues our man. "I was beginning to think he'd been locked in a room with Greg Downey [sic]. Yes he will make a difference at the back. Heard Terrell Forbes is a free man as well, perhaps you can confirm that tomorow. Have a good hol, and if you're going to some exotic location, don`t forget the Cod Almighty T-shirt." Ha! The reason I'm on holiday from the Diary, Sibs, is that I have to do some bloody proper work for once in my useless life. Thanks for your good wishes all the same, though, mate; no bugger else bothered. And still, if my Ivano top turns up in time, I might slip it on under my McDonalds uniform.

Well, that's all from me until until a week on Monday: that'll be the sixth of December, already! Next week this column will be brought to you by Special Guest Diary, Miles Moss, and whoever else they can drag in off the street and strap to a chair; so until then, farewell, keep the faith, and keep it in perspective. The final word for now goes to our old friend Mark Wilson, who has taken the almighty trouble to compose an email just to say: "Isn't an oxymoron an idiot with spots?" Yes, Mark, and a paradox is where skydivers buy cod.