Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 24 December 2004

24 December 2004

For those of you who rabidly tune into the diary, Unspecial Guest Diary will make this brief so we can all get off to enjoying the festivities, WHICH IS WHERE YOU SHOULD BE, YOU BLOODY FOOLS!

Yesterday's news that Town's white-hot hit-man Colin Cramb ain't looking like being pop-picked on Boxing Day is alleviated by the news that Town have found a replacement for their Pete Waterman. After differences over the transfer fee were resolved, Martin Gritton has signed on, for a fee straight outta 1977: "£5k plus another £5k if we go up this season or next," according to one source. Expect the players to be growing monster sideys, getting perms (there's a Colin Cramb gambling joke there) and supping jars in Meggies wearing bell bottoms and tight-fitting shirts. And not just for a night in Flares. Uncle John Fenty croons: "Hopefully he can score a few goals for us. If only I could get some black and white ribbon so I can finish wrapping him for wee Russ."

A Chrimbo cracker left over from the GTFC Xmas bash is yanked open and while there isn't a groan-inducing joke to be found, there are some wise words from Santa Slade. Frankly he says his team of players on short-term deals are underachieving and he reckons we're going to have to rely on promising youngsters from the area. While Russ's optimism that Town can still make the play-offs is as heart-warming as Scrooge realising that being a miserable tight bastard isn't the way to a life endeared with happiness, your diary writer for today doesn't agree. And the Chrimbo period is just going to consign this thought to a wasteful daydream. Bah humbug. Which if is the case then maybe Slade should do as my father-in-law suggested last weekend and look at giving some of the home-grown talent a chance instead of the "Jekyll and Hyde" wasters. And he doesn't even bloody support Town!

Can anyone tell us which market research revealed to the Champion of the Community that there are a few Crystal Palace fans in the North East Lincolnshire region and, oh yes, they shall be given team news?

On which trivial note, it is time for the Cod Almighty team to wish you all a groovy day tomorrow. You can leave us to go and scoff mince pies, do your last-minute present wrapping, and enjoy the warm embraces which only your close ones can provide. The misery and hangover will hit you at 4:50pm on Sunday. Merry Christmas!

What, you're still here? Go. Go on! Go!