Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 12 April 2005

12 April 2005

The Diary takes a week off and all common sense goes out the window here at Cod Almighty. They've let me, Mat, do the diary. That's like letting John McCririck take over from Krishnan Guru-Murthy on the Channel 4 news.

Not a fantastic amount of news to break to you today so we'll start with news of tickets for the Scunthorpe United match. They are on sale, apparently. I assume when they say "any of the Mariners' home games" they mean this season's games but you never know. Talking of Scunny, our stiffs beat their stiffs yesterday thanks to a Tony Crane header. The regular Diary would probably make some witty comment at this stage to close this paragraph nicely. I don't do wit though.

Rumours have reached my ears, alright eyes as they were e-mailed to me, that Positive John may be on his way out of BP and off darn sarf to the land of jellied eels. The Guardian's sports supplement yesterday quoted Alan Pardew as saying "I'm all about positivity but it's very difficult at this club at times." With JF as mentor maybe Pardew will get the Hammers back to the big time. Unless it's the other way round and Pardew is putting his name forward as the man to oust Slade. Nah, Pardews sounds rubbish, he'd never get the job.

What else can I steal off the OS to make today's entry a bit longer? The date for the player of the year night has been announced. Rather unsurprisingly it will take place in McMenemy's, which no doubt means Mr Diary will not be in attendance due to dress restrictions. He has always said he would never wear a dress on a Tuesday. Told you I didn't do wit.

You'd think having a new kid on the block in the form of James Vaughan would help Everton fans get over painful memories wouldn't you? After all he set three records on Sunday (youngest Everton player beating Joe Royle by 11 days, youngest Everton goalscorer beating Rooney by 89 days and youngest Premiership goalscorer beating James Milner by 86 days). But no, those Evertonians do like a bring up the past. A plea presumably made by a member of the Grimsby Town Supporters Trust for support from the readers of an unofficial Everton site appears to have fallen on deaf ears with the Toffees preferring to dredge up the abuse they suffered back in 1984 when Paul Wilkinson put them out of the Milk Cup and to throw it back at GTST. That's hardly fair is it lads? We did the same, if not worse, to your bitterest rivals only a couple of years back only then it was Phil Jevons. At least you had a decent player score against you eh? This fantastic display of solidarity amongst football fans is continued here. Thanks guys, really appreciated. No honestly, if there is ever anything we can do for you or your club be sure to let us know won't you?

If you want to do something to help Town raise a bit of cash you can do worse than bidding on one of the numerous items the OS is auctioning off. Matt Harrold's shirt is currently going for £55, but why it is listed against Brentford I don't know. I know they own him and all but it's a Town shirt isn't it? If the shirt isn't your thing how about some boots? Not just any old boots either, Thomas Pinault's boots. They have "Pinault's name on the tab, and will be signed by the enigmatic French midfield star." Why would Zidane sign these boots? Oh, right, I see. The OS goes on to say that these boots will turn you into a proper fanny magnet and you'll be beating them off with a shitty stick if you wear them down The Pier on a Friday night. Incidentally the shitty stick is not up for auction as far as I am aware but for some bizarre reason this is. The mind truly boggles.

I can't leave you without participating in what seems to be one of the Diary's favourite pastimes; having a pop at BBC Humber sport. You see I went there in search of something else to add to today's diary but there was no real news. So I started to have a look around at their section on Town and stumbled into the history bit. "The BBC is not responsible for the content of external websites" it says below a link to the OS. No, fair enough, but you are responsible for the content on your own site presumably. So please, please change the bit that claims Nicky Law is still player-manager. In fact he was never player-manager so forget that still I wrote last sentence. I'm sure no-one would object to a more recent squad phot being used either. And I'm sure Macca won't be too pleased to learn that he set the appearance record for Town some 36 years ago. And he's still playing on. Go on Macca, show that Stanley Matthews fella how it's really done. Oh yeah, and if anyone from BBC Humber is reading Rushden & Diamonds don't play in Rushden and Crystal Palace play in Selhurst so your last paragraph in the History section is also bollocks.

Thanks for reading. No idea who will be bringing you the news tomorrow so tune in and find out at around this time. Cheers.