Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 5 July 2006

5 July 2006

ATTENTION! Hi guys, Durham Diary here to lead you through today's virtual boot camp. And while you read the next paragraph I want you to straighten your legs out in front of you, lift your feet 30cm from the floor, and hold them there. I don't have a job, because nobody likes to employ students for a few weeks in the summer, but if you're reading this at work do it anyway. And SIT UP STRAIGHT, that's an ORDERRRRRRRR!

Really today's first piece of news is the really interesting news of what the Town players have really been up to at this really good boot camp thingy. "It's really hotting up for the Grimsby Town players as they were really put through their paces at boot camp on day two," proclaims the OS. Asking footballers to use their brains is a bit like asking Andy Parkinson to use his height and composure, but apparently that's exactly what those hardy RAF types did for a 'Military Activities' session yesterday. According to the walking-talking teddy bear that is Grahams Rodgers, the players "had to find their way down an imaginary river and through an imaginary minefield." I, for one, am pleased that at least some of this boot camp malarkey is directly relevant to the season ahead, if only so that the players are prepared for playing at Spotland.

You can stop doing that leg thing now if you want. If I've given you deep vein thrombosis then sue me. I'll pay you £4 compensation, but you'll have to cover the legal costs yourself.

Dig out those Speedos, dip your goggles in the water, and see if you can get one of those silly hats on your head without ripping it or cutting off the blood supply to your brain. You guessed it, we're going swimming. Or at least the players are, as today's activity is a swimming gala. Let's hope it's a nice big pool with Fen Butcher around! Also on today's itinerary is military training, using live ammunition. Considering the current lack of players on Grimsby's books, this would be distinctly worrying had Grimsby players failed to hit each other consistently since Alan Buckley departed.

While Rodgerses is away the mice come out to play, and never was this more evident than today with the news that Mr Fenty and co have been gnawing holes in the woodwork of the board room whilst trying to convince an unnamed midfielder to sign for Town. I won't tell you that it's Alan Pouton returning from Gillingham in case it isn't, but if it is you heard it here first. And while I go to slip a brown envelope to my informer I'll leave you all to contemplate whether Pouton and Bolland would play as well together in a 4-4-2 as Gerrard and Lampard, or whether Justin Whittle would have to be deployed in a playmaker role.

Hope you all have a nice day. My dad reckons there'll be a thunderstorm later on but I'm supposed to be playing cricket, so there'd better bloody not be. AT EASE!