Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 2 September 2009

2 September 2009

Idle Diary writes: "Following the frustration of last season's poor home form which led to a drop in attendances, the Board have been disappointed with the poor start to this campaign and the early exit from two cup competitions," goes Lincoln City's craply-written and poorly-logicked pathetic justification of their dismissing manager Peter Jackson and his assistant (and also one-time Town forward) Iffy Onuora. Two wins from five league games isn't the best of starts, but - we all speak from a position of strength here, eh - it's hardly the worst. And that six-point gap between 17th and the top of the table, Christ, that'll be totally insurmountable for a club like Lincoln that should have a God-given right to be up there challenging for the title, won't it? And how does a club work out that its poor home form is directly linked to lowered attendances? Does it continually survey the mood using empirical methods? No. Does it fuck. The powers that be might'n all throw a blade of grass into their own wind and see what that tells them. And how does lowered attendances link to the club's poor start to the season? If you can see through the fog, answers on a postcard.

Sorry. It's worth highlighting just to show it makes a change for a club that isn't Town to make a right arse of itself. Look! It's Tim Mickleburgh on Twitter!

Back in the real world, there's a gem of an article on the Grimmo Telegraph's website CRAMMED so full - like your mouth stuffed with a whole Victoria sponge - that it'll soon be retching and then spluttering its contents out of your monitor.

First up! Mike Newell might as well have told Tommy Forecast to "fuck off, and don't come back!" with the news that the Mariners have signed "highly-rated Scunthorpe United goalkeeper Josh Lillis on a one-month loan". Before you go "I say young man, hang on! Wasn't Tommy Forecast an England keeper in the making or summat?", Cod Almighty's scouts have actually seen Lillis in action at the end of last season and reckoned he was "nifty". Does that assure you, reader? Does it? Does that assure you, Messrs Widdowson, Atkinson, Bennett, and Stockdale? Does it? Good. Because if you're rubbish on Saturday there's no rubbish goalkeeper excuse now.

Second! The club isn't appealing against Super Nutter Conlon's red card. Why? Because the Blundell Park CCTV cameras didn't pick up the inc- hang on, what? The club are having us on, right? Why would the BP CCTV cameras be trained on the pitch? Next!

Finally! Town's reserves drew 1-1 with Hartlepool's reserves yesterday. There were a few trialists on show, but if anyone can translate and provide us with the gist of this link about goalscorer Steven Lozano-Calderon, we'd be grateful. Cheers!