Cod Almighty | Diary

Men of Vision seldom see

12 May 2014

With the CA diarists stood beside the grave of Town's season humming their barbershop ragas on the theme of perspective and stability, your own, your very own Special Bonus Diary has just one thing to say: too much, there's too much flippin' perspective now. The less you see, the less you know.

Seeing is believing. And what do you believe you see? Who do you believe? Do you believe in Men of Vision? Do you believe in magic? Today's theme of perspectives and instability bleeds on and on across the universe of football. Our undying love for Town and country is not limitless. Today, Matthew, I shall be going on about Men of Vision and their plan Bs.

Greg Dyke, man of vision. He forgets that a Marxist analysis of the problem requires Marxist solutions. His plan B from outer space? Relax, it's just apple pie in the Sky. Money talks only if you let it. Social Democrats and Liberals are always the same: well-meaning hand-wringers trying to appease and please the bullies. Useful idiots.

We all know what the root cause of the problem is in football and in life – unfettered capitalism. A mechanistic worship of, and kowtowing to, short-term financial self-interest is a world without humanity.

And that, after all, is what we are – humans. It's what separates us from the bulls and the bears, the sheep and the goats. Tame the beast, don't feed it titbits or it'll eat you in the end. Hey, I told you to relax, Dyke'll be in the ditch for his hubris – for men of vision seldom see. No harm in keeping up the noise, though. Do sign up here to insert that final nail in the coffin of cobblers.

Enough national nonsense, let's go home. Town's preserved list emerged during Friday, while all and sundry were distracted by Plan B from Outer Space. A good day to bury bad news, eh, Baldrick? How can we live without Joltin' Joe Colbeck? How can we live with Chipshop Lennie? Don't worry your little heads: Baldrick insists he has a cunning plan B should his tentative advances to the mulling six be spurned. The Mulling Six: great band. Or were they innocent? I can never remember.

With Topcon John caught in the headlights of stability, the stable door is firmly bolted shut – there are no runners and riders for manager's post, so stop wasting time worrying about something that isn't going to happen until October at the earliest. Hey, don't worry, we're rebuilding from a stable base for our challenge for fourth. Who among us isn't excited by the thought of losing the play off semi-final on a grey, windswept day next May? But with a slightly different set of scufflers and hufflers. The anticipation of the journey is always more exciting than the destination.

The sorry saga of Vladimir Fentin's Allotment Arena ambitions drones on for a summerful of diary content at the discontent. We're at stage two: the media war, with the SNOS™ leading the charge. Can't wait for him to call for the local council to accept the results of a referendum in his own family that endorses his plans for Captain Haddock. It's all about perspective.

And finally some good bad news. Our Steve Croudson, as popular in the Pontoon as much as he is favourite in the Findus, has become the latest migrant worker in the land of riches. Well done, good luck and despite it being at that 'Ull we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year in your new job.