Cod Almighty | Diary
I'm with stupid
5 January 2017
Wicklow Diary writes: You all know the Seth Johnson story, right? It's a tale of such stupendous stupidity that there's no harm repeating it. And midweek diaries don't fill themselves, you know. I've tried but I can't wait any longer for a signing. As a bonus, like the best stupid stories, it's someone else doing the stupid.
Johnson was earning £7k a week at Derby when David O'Leary and Peter Ridsdale brought him to Elland Road. Johnson's agent planned to ask for £13k a week in the negotiations for his client. He never got the chance: Ridsdale opened the discussion with an offer of £30k.
Leeds didn't nosedive through sensible finances, and agents don't get to drive swanky cars through meek modesty. Seth's man quickly countered with £40k before agreeing on £37k. The exact figures may carry a small margin of error in the countless re-tellings but both sides have confirmed the broad accuracy.
Another confirmed example of cocked negotiations transpired at my local golf club. With a committee chaired and led by the local barber, they traded their town centre location for a new course on the side of a nearby mountain and £500k cash. Without even turning sod, the buyer quickly sold on their original course for £90million and a profit of around £80million. Or about 8 million dry cuts in barbershop money.
Yes, the window is open and if you're not careful you can end up with your metaphorical arse hanging out of it. Lucky Seth's example is often quoted and illustrates how lopsided the negotiations and financially perilous can be for at least one party.
As Middle-Aged Diary wrote yesterday, we're sniffing about but we've also got all sorts sniffing about after Omar. I get a knot whenever I check Twitter at the moment. Players have agents to act on their behalf – but what about the clubs?
Go big, John. Set your price high. Not just high: ridiculously, Dock-Tower-soaring-over-the-town high. Then tell them you've got Newcastle on line two
It's at times like these that you need a right shitkicker in your corner. Put aside the rumour that we tried to sell Bogez to Peterborough this time last year for a set of five-a-side bibs and a bag of matchballs. Go big, John. Set your price high. Not just high: ridiculously, Dock-Tower-soaring-over-the-town high. Then tell them you've got Newcastle on line two. We've had great strikers before, but not in the hyperinflated era of Premier League parachuters – and if Omar goes, we need to cash in big time.
What's the worst that can happen? We either get some whale to pay us a club destiny-altering amount of lolly, or we get to keep our most exciting player in years. Quiet at the back – let there be no talk of injury or a bout of the boglesulks.
Most of these owners are making it up as they go along. One minute Hartlepool had offshore backing and were splashing the cash. Within months of Podge saying their two-year deal offered him some security, they were facing a winding-up order with talk of late payment of players' wages. A bird in the hand is worth two in a cash-strapped bush, as they say. We should put in a cheeky bid. Preferably before Saturday. Coincidentally, Pools' last two games were against Podge's other two former league clubs Accy and Morecambe. Ominously he scored in both.
John Fenty likes the phrase 'football fortune'. Marcus has said in the last few games that hard work and dedication brings good luck. That might be the case with our signing of Omar in the first place. We should be proud that Omar might not have been a Town player without Operation Promotion. This makes it all the more fun to see him flying now. If Omar does leave, we'll hopefully console ourselves with a money fight and the fact that Marcus took one-man team Solihull to promotion after the one man left.
Most of our speculated incomings have been more Moors, but the Telegraph reckons we're also looking at Gateshead midfielder Sam Jones. Elsewhere on the internet that your Alan Buckleys doesn't go on, there's the news that an architect has been appointed for the new ground. Booo. I was hoping for a competition with submissions from Lord Foster, the spirit of Zaha Hadid, (Retro Diary's choice, who nitpickers pointed out had sadly passed away last year) and a couple of plucky local sixth formers.
The article on Leisure Management doesn't say whether GTFC or Extreme did the appointing but the outfit is called Fairhursts Design Group (booo, sort it Fairhurstses). They seem to have broad experience but their leisure portfolio isn't the where's-where of landmark stadiums that I'd hoped for. We'll be their first, in fact, although they have designed training grounds for Manchester United and Pompey. Along with an extension to the penguin enclosure at Great Yarmouth and a rollercoaster in Nigeria. What could possibly go wrong?
And there it is, in diary stoppage time... Jamey Osborne has signed from Solihull Moors – wait, Dubliner Gavin Gunning has signed from Greenock Morton? Where did that come from? That's it, I can't keep up, I'm off and I'm taking my ball with me.