Cod Almighty | Diary

Electrical banana is gonna be a sudden craze

22 August 2022

Miss Guest diary writes: "One of the worst games of football I've ever seen. It were rubbish." That was Paul Hurst's verdict on Saturday's 0-0 draw against Sutton United. While I agree it wasn't much of a game, I think it was either the disappointment talking or Hurst is not that familiar with Town's back catalogue – that game wouldn't even make it into my top ten of the worst ever.

Warned in advance that Sutton are a route-one team, I wasn't surprised by their tactics. The frustration came at the continual indulgences they received from the referee, who seemed to treat nearly every Town tackle as a foul, yet curiously managed not to see anything when similar happened to our players. Corners were a complete waste of time for us because the ref managed to see some infringement in the box every time, including when we actually had the ball in the net during the first half. His style felt familiar so I checked and can confirm he officiated two of our games last season.

The first was at home to Halifax when Mr Butcher posed the question: “Will he be grappling with his conscience when he watches this one back? He failed to get to grips with purple grapples and was simply a man in fear of making a decision. He only saw fouls in the middle of the pitch, and was a man dressed in shades of mellow yellow, oh so yellow: 5.892. Quite rightly.”

His second game was the play-off final against Solihull Moors, summed up thus: “Marty hasn't conquered his anxieties, he's still in therapy. This pastel peeper was perfectly fine between both penalty boxes, but hasn't conquered the televised ref's fear of the penalty. Let us be magnanimous in victory: 5.982”

Judging by Saturday's performance, his promotion to the league alongside Town has emboldened him enough to make some decisions about happenings in the box but worsened his judgement. His score has fallen to 4.999. Hurst was also not at all impressed but, wary of FA disciplinary action, confined himself to veiled references to "not being Nigel Pearson". For those who don't know, the Bristol City manager has been fined in the past for speaking out about poor referees and last week said he had considered giving up football management because the standard of officiating is "at an all-time low".

I'm not saying that Town's performance was great but the constant stop-start and the booking of several Town players for relatively minor infringements killed the game. That we created a couple of good late chances which could have seen us win the game is a testament to the never-say-die attitude in the squad. Also, I would just like to point out that the best chances came after Harry Clifton was brought on. He may not have the ball skills of Wearne or Kiernan but in my view his energy all over the field and persistence in getting forward are equally valuable, maybe more so.

If you've got Mariners TV have a listen to the interview with Aribim Pepple – he comes across as a lovely young man willing and eager to learn. Saturday's cameo showed a vast improvement in his performance from that against Crewe a couple of weeks ago, which has me hopeful that he might prove to be the striker we've been needing. Maybe he'll even channel the spirit of Jean-Paul Kalala and score the winner against Forest tomorrow.

UTM