Cod Almighty | Diary
I'm really not up for the cup
11 October 2023
We always talk about how important it is for the players to share a bond with the fans, so it’s lovely to see that we all share the same excitement and enthusiasm for the multi-sponsored zero-purpose trophy.
In remarkably predictable fashion, some mixed-up Mariners lost 2-1 at home to a bundle of Bradfordians last night in front of fewer than a thousand fans to bring the curtain down on yet another uninspiring, uninteresting and totally insipid cup campaign. It’s a carcass and a car crash of a competition that desperately needs putting out of its misery.
Your West Yorkshire Diary can’t remember how exactly the Football League attempted to square the circle of inviting B Teams to take part in the trophy. No doubt they used the term ‘mutually beneficial’ at some point. Maybe our inability to do any good in the competition is clouding my judgment somewhat. Seven seasons and twenty-two games have yielded just two outright victories, after all.
If you want to count wins on penalties, then fine, knock yourself out (like Town do at the group stage, every season) — that’s happened twice. But also know that defeat via spot kicks has happened thrice. Fifteen defeats would be a sobering stat, if the competition actually meant anything.
Even at the best of times, Small Burst’s demeanour lacks the kind of passion and enthusiasm fans like to see and hear from their manager, but his zest for life in his post-match interview last night — which drags on for more than eight minutes, by the way — was in the bin. Which is where the whole affair should go.
Even the sponsors don’t want anything to do with it any more. If it’s not good enough for companies that lease vans, make pizzas, fix windscreens or sell paint, then who is it good for? Which business next wants to risk its reputation on this abomination? Brands are clambering over each other to get a slice of the football pie in literally every other area of the game. But not here. Here, there’s nothing but the crumbs of a vapid man’s vanity.
Right, well that’s got us all in a good mood! What’s next? Accrington Stanley. Nobody mention the milk. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it.
Nobody’s mentioned Spalding United though, apart from the club’s official tweeter, or Xer, who Xed yesterday to say the Mariners will face the splendid Tulips on Tuesday 14 November in the second round of the Lincolnshire Senior Cup.
It’s possible that our fans and manager care even less about this cup. There have been periods throughout its history (which stretches back to 1881) when football in Lincolnshire has been undeniably ambivalent about it, to the point where they didn’t bother running it.
But I grew up during an era when the Mariners basically won it, so long as they turned up. It’s not been like that for a while, though. In fact, we’ve only won the cup once in the last ten years, and only three times since the turn of the century.
I won’t pretend there’s any clamour for us to win it and bring football home, to Grimsby, like we used to throughout the 90s. Small Burst will likely field the kids, innit. They’ll lose, we’ll instantly forget it ever happened and then, finally, we’ll be able to concentrate on the league. Which is working out so well for us this season, of course.
UTM!