Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 1 July 2003

1 July 2003

It's good news for the Diary's liver but bad tidings for the Earth's atmosphere as Town bring forward another away game to a Friday night. After next season's trip to Hartlepool was rescheduled last week for 12 September, the Mariners' February voyage down to Colchester has been similarly rearranged and will now be played on the evening of the 20th, keeping us out of the pub for the night but entirely ruling out for most fans the possibility of returning from the game by public transport. Town's official site is usually second with all the news after the club's subscription SMS service - but let it be noted that on this occasion the Diary brought you the news about the Hartlepool game around Sunday lunchtime, more than 24 hours before Mariners Net. I only copied it from the Hartlepool site, mind...er, and you should still go to Town's OS all the time, because the more you do the more money they will get to try and pay Georges Santos' wages next year.

Another way the club could claw together some coppers to keep our colossal Cape Verdean is of course by getting rid of Danny Coyne, and today's Grimsby Telegraph is breaking the news that "Leicester City have joined the growing list of clubs" who like the look of the Mariners' waning stopper. Or would be breaking the news had it not appeared in the Mirror and the Independent two weeks ago. "It's just a question of who I can sign and stay within my budget," says Foxes boss Micky Adams, his eyes presumably cast in a north-easterly bearing. First division Burnley are now thought to have pulled out of the race to snap up Dan after signing West Brom's Brian 'The Beast' Jensen instead (who Mark Lever had some fun winding up at the Hawthorns the other year).

Town's pre-season schedule continues to take shape, with tickets for the home friendly against Sunderland on 19 July going on sale next Monday at a scandalous £7. "Sunderland have confirmed that they will be fielding their first team...and that could mean a return for John Oster," states the Mariners' official site, paradoxically. The OS is also at pains to stress that home fixtures against Lincoln on 15 July and Middlesbrough on 1 August will be played behind closed doors, with no admission for fans even if willing to pay seven quid. Until a reason is given for this curious decision the Diary will be forced to assume that the players will be appearing naked.

Two more names could soon be joining the likes of Crane, Cas and Hamilton if Paul Groves gets his way. The Town boss has confirmed to Radio Humberside today that he is "speaking to one or two in the next few days", and we can assume from the context that he means footballers. Mark Rankine - the superannuated midfielder just released by Preston, who was linked with a loan move to Town last season - is one name being mentioned, but not by Groves, who will surely have enough central midfielders to be going on with if Stacy Coldicott, as expected, signs a new contract and Des Hamilton agrees terms.

In the same report for BBC Humber, Hamilton reveals the factors that have attracted him to Blundell Park. Is it the bright young manager, perhaps, or the side's attractive passing style? Er, no - it's the fact that he might get to kick a ball now and again. "When asked what makes Grimsby Town an attractive proposition," says the Beeb, "he said: 'It is more of a, getting back to first team football really.'" Diary readers are invited to guess the missing word.

Those of you who read this column regularly should be aware by now that there are many Reasons I Hate Wimbledon, and the one we're looking at today - number five in our series - is the use of first names. TV coverage of football, the Diary freely admits, is not entirely free of chumminess, but never does it attain such emetic depths of sickliness as when BBC commentators simper: "Kim will be disappointed with her backhand today." Or: "Andre's serve is back to its best." Like you live round the corner from them and your children will marry theirs in a delightful village church in Hampshire. Just sod off, the lot of you.